It's so easy to try and attempt to break it down. And every-time we work towards that, we are neglecting the true nature of the chaos from which we were sewn.
You don't know when you will die. I don't know when either of us will die. OMFG it can't make sense. Should it? Do I prepare? If so, how? WTF will my dog do? The truth is: you can't know the truth until the moment comes to you. When it does, be it with fear or amazement, it will be only yours. You will get to tell no-one. It will just be yours. In the same way you remember Sandy or Tim's glance in the third grade. In the same way as now. In the same way it is for everyone telling you the theory they believe in that moment.
The question should not be "when will I die?" but rather "how will I feel about my life in the last moment I'm lucidly able to do so?". It will hit you in the same way as Sandy/Tim: it will be something you know you feel no matter what anyone could say. Analogous to someone in love. They might be a jerk, but that time they did that thing...that's what grips you. It will feel like that. And it's likely money won't be the kicker. Nor will knowing that this is the moment you die.
> The question should not be "when will I die?" but rather "how will I feel about my life in the last moment I'm lucidly able to do so?"
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The second question includes the first as a subset - if I knew I were going to die in a couple of years, there's no way I'd work on things I don't enjoy that have a longer-term pay-off. But, if I live longer than those two years, and have spent everything having fun within them, then I'm kinda stuffed for the long run.
We're all gamblers, and happiness may be what we want to walk away from the table with but the odds still matter.
It's not that the last moment is more important -- it is that the last moment is, by definition, the last moment you will be able to reflect on the sum of your experiences. That moment is the culmination of your life. Being aware of it allows you to influence that moment today.
I'd not read or heard of Tolstoy's Ilyich. A read of the Wikipedia[1] page, though, suggests that his last moment was incredibly important: in it he came to realize he had not lived fully and was in fact living only for himself. His impending death, up until then viewed selfishly by him, became release for those around him. Once he saw his death as an escape for his loved ones, his pain subsided.
It's so easy to try and attempt to break it down. And every-time we work towards that, we are neglecting the true nature of the chaos from which we were sewn.
You don't know when you will die. I don't know when either of us will die. OMFG it can't make sense. Should it? Do I prepare? If so, how? WTF will my dog do? The truth is: you can't know the truth until the moment comes to you. When it does, be it with fear or amazement, it will be only yours. You will get to tell no-one. It will just be yours. In the same way you remember Sandy or Tim's glance in the third grade. In the same way as now. In the same way it is for everyone telling you the theory they believe in that moment.
The question should not be "when will I die?" but rather "how will I feel about my life in the last moment I'm lucidly able to do so?". It will hit you in the same way as Sandy/Tim: it will be something you know you feel no matter what anyone could say. Analogous to someone in love. They might be a jerk, but that time they did that thing...that's what grips you. It will feel like that. And it's likely money won't be the kicker. Nor will knowing that this is the moment you die.
pops confetti cannon