Use a newer machine to grab the files then transfer them?

You must have one somewhere, you're chatting on HN with a modern SSL certificate.

I'd have to spin up a VM which is entirely too much effort for this. I wish they just let you download the files.

Yeah that's the biggest issue with Flashpoint. AFAIK many games are hardcoded to load files from certain URLs and Flashpoint does patches & emulations of server calls. Support for sytems other than Windows is also wonky...

Respectfully, I think this is a you issue at this point!