Wow that is so superegoistic I'd say any child deserves a better dad.
It may also be something else what's wrong, please reflect and try more, and also if you are not already in a trustless broken relationship start talking with your wife about it.
> And if you wake up with panic attacks over kids you HAVE to do it or youll never forgive yourself in 10 / 20 years.
No, that is definitely not set in stone, you may not find fulfillment in that, please that possibility also in mind.
> but thats your life,
No, it is also your wife's and your eventual future child's life, but I'd not take this advice if only for your life unless your current relationship is already broken. The sudden you regret your childlessness, the same you may regret this decision and consequences soon.
This is not particularly egoistic. People change overtime and relationships are formed or broken everyday according to people respective evolution.
In PARTICULAR, wanting or not children is probably the n°1 important criteria to be in a relationship or not.
Im not telling him to leave his wife but its an option that is very likely to appear, and also that "staying because of past decision to your wife" might bring more pain to him on the long run than leaving her to have a child. Its a purely rational decision (which of course is not to be rushed either).
People (like you?) seem to believe in the "soulmates for life" dream but practical experienxe has shown me its not for everybody and many people end up miserable by saying in the same relationship out of principles or fear while they had so many good other options at some point..
> And if you wake up with panic attacks over kids you HAVE to do it or youll never forgive yourself in 10 / 20 years.
No, that is definitely not set in stone, you may not find fulfillment in that, please that possibility also in mind.
> but thats your life,
No, it is also your wife's and your eventual future child's life, but I'd not take this advice if only for your life unless your current relationship is already broken. The sudden you regret your childlessness, the same you may regret this decision and consequences soon.