Yes, I am suffering from burn-out. And I can tell you, it •is• suffering. You wouldn't want it happening to you.
It started to manifest itself in 2002. I worked too much, had too much responsibility. I went into a decline and 2005 it all went awry because of change in circumstances I didn't have the resources to cope with. I was wise enough to quit my job, but it was too late. Anything I tried after that wouldn't succeed.
It's a condition where it's hard to reflect on yourself. To see your personal condition. And accepting it, even less. I couldn't.
One day I stumbled upon a stress test and took it. Bang! Almost full score. Then I took notice of myself, started analyzing my condition, and realized, "I'm a burn-out. God dammit".
That was 2007. I've been laying low, really low, since then. Living off my pension. Recently I realized I was better off again. I could read book again. I even felt an urge to start some coding again. I took a stress test again. Much lower score, great!. But right there was also a test for depression ... I took it. Bang! Almost full score. "Now I'm depressed. God dammit".
That was shocking. But I have this strange feeling, that depression is much easier to deal with. I'm growing in my capabilities. I can learn again. I believe I'll become reasonably functioning again. Only time will tell. And time it will take. I can wait. I want my life back.
I could give you details quite similar to SMrF's comment. Read that, and take care.
My personal path to recovery involved a complete redo of my entire life. I quit my job, moved to a new city. I took an entire month off and did nothing but stuff that was fun, (mainly programming :-) My new job is a boring corporate coder type job that requires very little of my attention. I also started dieting, quit smoking and took up running.
You can get better! It just takes time. Please be patient with yourself.
Believe it or not, even after everything that happened to me, I very nearly did it again! I began spending all of my spare time working on my side project, (my goal here is to eventually own my own company/startup). But at least this time when I started getting anxiety I realized, "wait a minute, I think I know why this is happening..." :-)
Thank you. I'm reasonably confident in my progress. The hardest part is realising, that you may never be able do again, what you once did. I think I'm there now.
I look at it as a battle scar, or a really cool limp or something. I've been there, done that, and now I know my own limits better than almost anyone else. To me it's an advantage. I also admit to worrying I wouldn't be able to accomplish what I have in the past, but you know what? I simply don't want to ever, ever do that again...so what did I lose exactly?
It started to manifest itself in 2002. I worked too much, had too much responsibility. I went into a decline and 2005 it all went awry because of change in circumstances I didn't have the resources to cope with. I was wise enough to quit my job, but it was too late. Anything I tried after that wouldn't succeed.
It's a condition where it's hard to reflect on yourself. To see your personal condition. And accepting it, even less. I couldn't.
One day I stumbled upon a stress test and took it. Bang! Almost full score. Then I took notice of myself, started analyzing my condition, and realized, "I'm a burn-out. God dammit".
That was 2007. I've been laying low, really low, since then. Living off my pension. Recently I realized I was better off again. I could read book again. I even felt an urge to start some coding again. I took a stress test again. Much lower score, great!. But right there was also a test for depression ... I took it. Bang! Almost full score. "Now I'm depressed. God dammit".
That was shocking. But I have this strange feeling, that depression is much easier to deal with. I'm growing in my capabilities. I can learn again. I believe I'll become reasonably functioning again. Only time will tell. And time it will take. I can wait. I want my life back.
I could give you details quite similar to SMrF's comment. Read that, and take care.