Friendship and community work better than both. I was actually in the middle of finding evidence to post, but its so numerous it really isn't necessary. Form good unconditional friendships and your happiness will exceed to new heights.
How do you form good unconditional friendships you ask? Hey, I didn't say I had all of the answers. One thing I might add is that, at least in my experience, a bad friendship is actually worse than being alone (though one might hesitate to call it a friendship to begin with), so tread carefully.
> Form good unconditional friendships and your happiness will exceed to new heights.
I think human relationships come with conditions. If there is not some reciprocation of affection, support, time, kindness, etc, then what you have is not a positive relationship, usually for either side, though they may not see it. I think we see good relationships as "unconditional" because the reciprocation comes easily and without calculation, but there are still conditions.
Sure, sort-of. I can't kill my best friend's wife and expect to maintain his friendship. So that's a condition.
It's unconditional when it doesn't feel like there are conditions, and when your friend doesn't require anything extra of you beyond the things you do.
If you just want to argue some petty semantics, then your point stands.
Well, I was with you until "petty semantics". I suspect most of us have seen a relationship that is toxic. Relationships where one person carries the emotional weight. Both parties might even think everything is ok, though usually one party feels the burden. If you are going to tell me "that's not a friendship", I would argue that's petty semantics.
It's incumbent on all of us to evaluate our relationships and make sure we're doing our part and not being either the one taken advantage of or the one taking advantage. Indeed, I would argue the "conditions" are what makes it a friendship and that being aware of those conditions is actually pretty healthy. As I matured I found myself noticing a number of my relationships were not healthy. Without that self-reflection, I think I might be much worse off today.
Your friends who are unconditional friends are not good friends. If you value your temporary happiness over personal growth, and friends who will help you become a better person, then you are chasing a false sense of self worth. Do you really want to feel artificially good about yourself by surrounding yourself with `yes men`?
Sometimes your friends will make you feel bad, and that's okay. Sometimes you should feel bad.
I think that good, unconditional friendships and stable communities teach and model self-compassion - seeing others look at us with "that's cool, I've made mistakes too" opens the way for us to say that about our own weaknesses.
> How do you form good unconditional friendships you ask? Hey, I didn't say I had all of the answers.
So, in the category of "It works for me, YMMV.":
I am active in two hobby related clubs, one is a local ham radio club, the other is a local robotics club. Both consist of a self-selected pack of nerds that share a common interest. The members of both tend to be quirky individuals... I suppose I am, too. Both communities are large enough that I have formed lasting friendships with compatibly quirky individuals from each.
The common interest anchors the relationship, so any peripheral differences can be glossed over or ignored while working together to solve a particular problem together.
How do you form good unconditional friendships you ask? Hey, I didn't say I had all of the answers. One thing I might add is that, at least in my experience, a bad friendship is actually worse than being alone (though one might hesitate to call it a friendship to begin with), so tread carefully.